my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
