i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
