I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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