haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so explain again why im purple
no
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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