My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
