My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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