I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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