So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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