No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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