Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
