I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
