I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
