explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
