On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
