you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
