Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
