he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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