Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
