she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
