He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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