Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
