you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
