The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
