the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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