fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
