I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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