Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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