im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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