while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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