Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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