; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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