DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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