a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
