Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
