Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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