so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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