So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
