We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
