My nipple is on Facebook.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
