I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
