if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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