alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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