I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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