i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
