the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
