okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They took my balls.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
