I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
