Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
