What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
