if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
