All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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