I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's shark week go big or go home
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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