Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
